ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
