I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
