how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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