Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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