u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
