I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
