I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
