It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
