you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
