walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
