i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot