my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
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There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
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It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream