My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
