Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
