Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.

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(551): View more from New Jersey

do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??

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(662): View more from Mississippi

this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here

(601): View more from Mississippi

on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends

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(206): View more from Washington

No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.

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(905): View more from Ontario

Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.

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(404): View more from Georgia

Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away

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(503): View more from Oregon

dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off

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