Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.

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(614): View more from Ohio

you really are a gigantic fucking slut.

(614): View more from Ohio

sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text

(1-614): View more from Ohio

it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?

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(209): View more from California

Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?

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(850): View more from Florida

she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(770): View more from Georgia

Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.

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(806): View more from Texas

It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.

(1-806): View more from Texas

It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce

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(812): View more from Indiana

I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.

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