Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
40s are totally the cure
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?