And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
