He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
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Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
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somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off