take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.