you suck at this game today
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Too much gin, very little bucket
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.