hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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