That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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