ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Sober January is a disaster.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
