I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
