My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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