what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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