you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
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That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
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You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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