Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize