Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
