I hope mine doesn't look like that
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
