Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
