Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
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Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
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My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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