thus making me awesome and them whores
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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