bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
