Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
