OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
