i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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