I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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