If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
And then my night got REAL pukey
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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