no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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