Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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