I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Sober January is a disaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize