I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Fuck appropriateness.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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