that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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