hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
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"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
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Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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