found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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