last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
