I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Who died my cat blue again?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
