Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Randomize
