I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
