So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
