I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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