Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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