I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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