I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
