I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize