why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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