someone threw a dead crab at me
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.