Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
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I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
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At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?