I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
do nipples grow back?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize