I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
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I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
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the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?