i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
