And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
