well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
