im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
