so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
