hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
