Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
