I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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