Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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