Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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