She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
