You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
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Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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