i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
