i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
