After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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