he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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