ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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