I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
