It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
