my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
