the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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