Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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