Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
