Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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