break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
