I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
