well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
