Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
